We often hear the term “resilient” attributed to those who adapt well to life’s challenges. My early images were of the Teflon kid who was impenetrable. If we are not careful, we might make the mistake of believing that there is such a thing. Everything that we endure as young people sticks with us in our adult years, usually below the surface but informing how we engage with others and view ourselves. It’s important to recognize this impact, because in recognizing we can address childhood traumas that may impair the growth to adulthood.

As I reached young adulthood many years ago, I wrote a poem to reflect on the relationship that creates the foundation for all relationships –parent and child.

Distance

As I transcend those days of the past

And try to make some sense of it all

I covertly construct territorial bounds

And create distance with obscure walls

 

Each emotion I feel is distinguished in this sense

It’s reflective of my childhood and the love that I missed

 

A mother’s love for her child

And a father’s love for his son

Is the ultimate in adoration

But I experienced neither one

 

As we all know a flower without water is surely destined to die

It’s easy to see why a child without love would feel the need to cry

In an effort to strike harmony and balance within my life

I suppress the mental residue of dysfunctional family ties

 

I take journeys of great distance

As individual as it may seem

Physically I am at a standstill but only I control my dreams

 

I’ve found balance with the past and the pain that I’ve endured

My sanity was kept by the tears that I wept

 

As I grow in my spiritual walk I no longer feel alone

When God sees it fit

He will give me a family all my own

 

Each emotion I feel is distinguished in this sense

It’s reflective of my childhood and the love that I missed

 

I think every family, community and workplace has a bit of dysfunction. Our ability to navigate this dysfunction successfully improves overtime and is dependent on the supportive networks. To change the trajectory of a generation and our region, we need time to heal hurts and fertile soil to plant productive relationships.